AnneC.

It seems not so long ago when I was just writing about having my heart broken for not getting into my initial hospital of choice, finding a new home for my dreams, hardships of first year residency and cultivating the dream come second year. Now, I can’t help but feel giddy for I am into the last 2 months of residency. Surely, time flies.   Of course there is still a lot to go through before reaching my nth finish line, but this entry is not about  that. This is about something I’ve been reflecting on for a while now and with the upcoming ICU rotation, this might be the only time that I can write about it. Plus a good reminder for myself that I can come back to once in a while.  To be good is enough. People get preoccupied with trying to be the best. Competing with others in this day and age can get extreme at times that sometimes people look into others faults just so they can feel good about themselves, just so they can say that they are better. And a lot of ...

"I'm tired and it's probably my fault." "Why do you say that?" "Maybe I'm taking more than I can chew." "Is that even your responsibility?" "Some are, some are not." "Then why do you do things that are not your responsibility?" "Because no one else will." "And you wonder why you are tired." This has been a recurrent conversation in my head for the past week or so. Third year of residency training has been taking a toll on me and today, as I was telling this to the boyfriend, he gave me two great pieces of advice that I know I ought to write about.  "There was a man and a balut vendor. Everyday the man will buy balut from the vendor but will not get the balut ; in a sense, the man was just giving the vendor 20 pesos every night. He did it for two years and then one night, as the man was giving the vendor 20 pesos,  the balut vendor replied, "30 pesos na po....

“Someday, you will meet someone who will reintroduce you to yourself”  We used to and still kid one of my friends on this saying that perhaps she was in love to this “someone”, and she would often say “no”, however the no would usually contradict the sparkle you see in her eyes. Up to this day, she has never labeled her “someone” as someone she is romantically attracted to - instead our conversations and prodding would end to the “someone” being someone she considers to be special. And I think now I know what she meant.  x In life, we meet people we get to know and in the process of knowing them you get to know yourself again.  Living the same routine everyday gets boring, and more often, we can get lost into the rhythm - waking up, going to work, doing what you have to do, going home, sleeping. We forget what it’s like how to live, how to appreciate the things and people around us. Then someone comes and asks you about your past, your present and yo...

"I understand, but it doesn't mean I like it." The boyfriend will always tell me this whenever I become too irrational to handle (happened a lot before, and hopefully less now :p). This statement would always make me feel uncomfortable, shuts me up and makes me think - eventually making me realize that how I've been acting is already too much. And sometimes, when people around me become too much or when a situation becomes too much, I often say this to myself  - "It's okay, you can understand this, but you don't have to like it." And amazingly, it often calms my nerves. There comes a point in life when you no longer like what you are doing, who you are dealing with and where you are. And there are always two ways to go from those certain points - to stop and leave everything, or stand your ground and continue doing what you do. To stop is a very easy option and we can always argue how we should always choose something that will make us happy ...

My blank mind wants me to write, but i have nothing in mind to write about. So let's try some word vomit to help me soothe this itch to write, shall we? Okay - I think, is an overused term as people generally desire acceptance. It is one word that gives someone a piece of approval from others or even for oneself. Saying that your work is okay - satisfactory and has passed standards has some fulfillment in a way. Saying to yourself that you are okay, makes you feel okay even for a while. Sometimes you have to repeat it to yourself a million times to try and believe that it's true. But being okay for the past month or so made me realize, that it's okay to not be okay. Because not being okay means -- To disagree and stand for what you believe is right. To be vulnerable. To be simply not okay. Or you could look at it as -- To exceed being satisfactory. Or even to say that you are exceptional. But I think the last two are too positive for the general mood of this entry. hehe...

It has been a month since senior year in my training to become an internist started. And the past month has been difficult. In this training, we have been used to being blamed, even for things that we don't have control over, and well the past month has been exactly that plus more. As seniors, we have the responsibility to make sure that our juniors are able to do their jobs and that in 6 months or less they should have learned everything they need to know in the system that they are in. We have to make them understand that there is no right excuse, because there is really no place for excuses when lives of patients are on the line. We have to teach them and yet we have to learn things for ourselves as well, because a lot more is expected from us. And since day 1, it has never been a walk in the park. It's like first year all over again (with no tears yet for me!). The feeling of being from duty, the sense of impending doom when you are on duty and the joy of going home e...