Such a bitter statement. . . SO FULL OF REGRETS.. but's that's the way it is.
*writing this entry is one way for me to let go of all the complicated mixture of feelings that i have inside of me*
one told me once, that what i would go into is like riding a roller coaster. i thought that i am almost finished - yeah, almost. infact, i already removed my seatbelt - unfortunately, the cart began to move again - slowly at first, then faster and faster until i was not really able to refasten my safety gear and unfortunately was caught unarmed.
Sometimes we make mistakes, mistakes that hopefully, we'll learn from. But what if that one mistake that you made would lead you to a situation where you would let go of something you already learned to love doing. or maybe i was just exaggerating or much better, i hope i am just dreaming, that one day, when i wake up, i would not feel so stupid, as what i do feel right now. (then i would not feel so ashamed of myself and hope everytime i walk around anywhere, i would not see someone who knows of my so so so stupid mistake.)
and with that mistake that you made, you begin to believe that you are what they tell you, when you really know in the deepest part of your heart (wherever that is) that you are not. You feel disappointed of yourself more than EVER, and i hate that feeling.
What's worse, is the feeling that you can never fit in to the world that you wanted to be part of. it's just so much.
i really feel bad. for everything that is happening. for not thinking. for not using my mind. for not making my braincells work properly in those crucial times.
i know i could have done better... i just know. but that was so over.
and now, what's left to do?...
inventing a time machine for me to go back to that certain period is such a waste of time and energy and i could no longer stand feeling that same feeling again. i also do not want to make that same mistake for the nth time in my life. i hate feeling that kind of pain. it's more than the pain of having a break-up. haha. =P
crying over spilled milk ,such a cliche, would not help my situation either.
what's left to do?
just hold on. even if there is no real assurance that i'd finish this roller coaster ride without my seatbelt on alive and still breathing or just die of nervous breakdown because of too much caffeine in my body (huh? hehe. whatever.)
accept whatever there is to accept. be strong for there's a lot more to come. listen to those who say, everything would be all right even though you can't even see the "thought" of everything being alright. and most of all, focus on your acads - my gosh anne, your failing! haha. =)
seriously. . .
i know i should never give up. for i see inside my heart, there's this little space which tells me that, no matter what happens, there's this group of 9 great individuals (10 including me. hehe. =P), who would not let me fall off the cart - or if i really begin to fall, they'll already be at the bottom waiting to catch me (i dont know how, but i just know they would be.) =)
*at least for now, the complicated mixture is already partly diluted*
*writing this entry is one way for me to let go of all the complicated mixture of feelings that i have inside of me*
one told me once, that what i would go into is like riding a roller coaster. i thought that i am almost finished - yeah, almost. infact, i already removed my seatbelt - unfortunately, the cart began to move again - slowly at first, then faster and faster until i was not really able to refasten my safety gear and unfortunately was caught unarmed.
Sometimes we make mistakes, mistakes that hopefully, we'll learn from. But what if that one mistake that you made would lead you to a situation where you would let go of something you already learned to love doing. or maybe i was just exaggerating or much better, i hope i am just dreaming, that one day, when i wake up, i would not feel so stupid, as what i do feel right now. (then i would not feel so ashamed of myself and hope everytime i walk around anywhere, i would not see someone who knows of my so so so stupid mistake.)
and with that mistake that you made, you begin to believe that you are what they tell you, when you really know in the deepest part of your heart (wherever that is) that you are not. You feel disappointed of yourself more than EVER, and i hate that feeling.
What's worse, is the feeling that you can never fit in to the world that you wanted to be part of. it's just so much.
i really feel bad. for everything that is happening. for not thinking. for not using my mind. for not making my braincells work properly in those crucial times.
i know i could have done better... i just know. but that was so over.
and now, what's left to do?...
inventing a time machine for me to go back to that certain period is such a waste of time and energy and i could no longer stand feeling that same feeling again. i also do not want to make that same mistake for the nth time in my life. i hate feeling that kind of pain. it's more than the pain of having a break-up. haha. =P
crying over spilled milk ,such a cliche, would not help my situation either.
what's left to do?
just hold on. even if there is no real assurance that i'd finish this roller coaster ride without my seatbelt on alive and still breathing or just die of nervous breakdown because of too much caffeine in my body (huh? hehe. whatever.)
accept whatever there is to accept. be strong for there's a lot more to come. listen to those who say, everything would be all right even though you can't even see the "thought" of everything being alright. and most of all, focus on your acads - my gosh anne, your failing! haha. =)
seriously. . .
i know i should never give up. for i see inside my heart, there's this little space which tells me that, no matter what happens, there's this group of 9 great individuals (10 including me. hehe. =P), who would not let me fall off the cart - or if i really begin to fall, they'll already be at the bottom waiting to catch me (i dont know how, but i just know they would be.) =)
*at least for now, the complicated mixture is already partly diluted*
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