I have been trying to write these feelings down but the brain heart balance was a little off; I cant even finish a thought that would make sense. Until today, after going out of the hospital with the sun up, being able to run and as I enjoy the best happy food ever created for humans - potato corner and milktea.
Too much expectations from oneself and I again found myself spiralling down, losing grip. Some wont understand, but it's my own perceived shortcomings whether validated by external factors (even indirectly) or not - a load of them then triggered by a shortcircuit and the switch for the red flag goes on. Yes, yes, I know, it's the type A personality of demanding too much from oneself. It works perfectly most of the time but yes yes I know that being too hard on oneself is a toxic habit I have yet to get rid of my system.
Add to that this world - this world which has the habit of asking more when you are able to deliver more. Hence the endless cycle of supply and demand, but with resources being depleted faster than they are being replenished. (hello lack of happy thoughts and motivation and life sunshine).
These are very rare moments, like how seldom one get to witness an eclipse. These moments of weakness remind us of our heart's desires and give us a quick tap - a reminder to slow down, to breathe in the edsa pollution while riding at the back of that risky scooter, to leave a little more for oneself. And in that short pause before going back to real life - say a quick prayer, watch that Sabrina episode or those netflix trailers, sleep in a little more, cry those eyes out in the arms of your person. Then just like that, we climb up those spiral staircase again, like nothing has changed but somehow different.
PS. Yung kaya lang.
Too much expectations from oneself and I again found myself spiralling down, losing grip. Some wont understand, but it's my own perceived shortcomings whether validated by external factors (even indirectly) or not - a load of them then triggered by a shortcircuit and the switch for the red flag goes on. Yes, yes, I know, it's the type A personality of demanding too much from oneself. It works perfectly most of the time but yes yes I know that being too hard on oneself is a toxic habit I have yet to get rid of my system.
Add to that this world - this world which has the habit of asking more when you are able to deliver more. Hence the endless cycle of supply and demand, but with resources being depleted faster than they are being replenished. (hello lack of happy thoughts and motivation and life sunshine).
These are very rare moments, like how seldom one get to witness an eclipse. These moments of weakness remind us of our heart's desires and give us a quick tap - a reminder to slow down, to breathe in the edsa pollution while riding at the back of that risky scooter, to leave a little more for oneself. And in that short pause before going back to real life - say a quick prayer, watch that Sabrina episode or those netflix trailers, sleep in a little more, cry those eyes out in the arms of your person. Then just like that, we climb up those spiral staircase again, like nothing has changed but somehow different.
PS. Yung kaya lang.
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