Change.

Define change.

• "to make or become different"
• "to take or use another instead of"
• "the act or instance of making or becoming different"

The past few weeks has been about this word. We have been encountering changes that people need to survive and changes that took the world by surprise. And after all these, the world we used to know will already be different. 

The past month was all about losing relationships for some, forging relationship strength in others despite the physical distancing; gaining new friends while rekindling old connections. It was getting to know the people around you more - how they dealt with the stress, how they used their free time, were they selfish or did they give more? Did those who only think about one's self survived? Did you judge others or were you the ones judged? Did you get to appreciate the people you see and don't see more? Were you overwhelmed with negativity? Were you helped by positive toxicity or was it just purely passive toxicity? 

As for me, all the free time I had made me realize a lot of things - I had relationships drifting apart because of time, distance and differences in personal views; I found strength despite distance in people who always had the same heart. I gained new friends - thanks to my new obsession on K-drama, and old connections were rekindled because they cared for the job that I do. 

As doctors, we deal with stress on a daily basis, but this pandemic was waaay on the other end of the stress bar spectrum. I was grateful that I had those free time to debrief (myself on my own) and to escape in my another realm of K-drama. I've encountered a number of selfless and selfish people and their survival are yet to be determined as we are not yet near the finish line. I never judged (well I somehow judged hoarders). I was overwhelmed with both negativity and positive toxicity that I learned to be passive - eventually shutting down my facebook account.  

Deep sighs. I have been a believer that the only thing constant in this world is change. But no matter how much you know and expect that change is always there, lurking at the corner or waiting on your next turn, you are never ready for it.