Life Thoughts - Life and Thoughts.

And just like that, we are married! The past few months have been heart-very-light-kind-of-nice. <3 It feels actually weird to have someone with you 24/7 at home (and not the hospital). And nope, I'm not complaining. 

As usual, I've been wanting to write but not finding any inspiration until today. 

I've been reflecting, more of day dreaming, while reviewing for the board exam and I just want to write down some, well, thoughts. 

I grew up in an environment where there are things that should never be talked about, just because you don't want to make things worse. And it did not make things worse, but it did not make them better as well. I learned that words can make or break someone. And that if you do not have anything nice to say, it was better to shut up. And because if you say mean things, no matter how true, these may hurt people. However, this mindset did not shield me from getting hurt. This was also why I hated confrontations. Because I only thought that confrontations involve shouting to make the other party listen to what you have to say, to accusing other people that they are out there to get you. 

Then in college, I learned that things actually get better if you talk. That some people actually change for the better if you talk to them, politely and respectfully. That each one of us is a product of our upbringing and our childhood. We are all scarred, in one way or another, and it's what you do with those experiences that matter. Because you learn from mistakes - yours and the people around you, and you move forward. 

Eventually, in medical school and in training, we were taught that we get progress if we work hard enough to make things work. We made progress and we strive to be better versions of ourselves each day. We were taught how to be doctors, but we learned with experience. And eventually, I learned (and still learning) how to talk, but most importantly, how to listen to patients. In listening, you learn about where their real concern stems from, why they believe in what they believe in. Making patient education more relevant and well more personal. 

Talking and listening are two of the important things today, in the middle of the pandemic, while we were stripped off all the non-essential things. Having good meaningful conversations (even virtually) is a good step that lead to progress, to making things work, to being better. 

Robert, my husband, has been teaching me how to have a good conversation. Being newly weds, we talk a lot, like we haven't talked for most our lives the past 14 years. He is teaching me how to be a better listener. He believes that there is nothing that we cannot fix if we talk about them. And for 14 years, we've been talking after each fight, petty or not, as long as he starts the conversation because I won't (haha) and I love him more for that.

If I had the chance, I'd tell my younger self not to be scared to talk. Because we should always talk about the nice things but we should also talk more about the problems. We should say kind words, but we are allowed to criticize constructively. And we should listen more, because underneath all the hate, insecurities and selfishness of this world, love will always remain.