it's the same feeling of doing too many things at the same time and the feeling of being happy in doing what you do before and slowly transitioning to just being tired about it and deciding to not do it at all.
if i am to be asked what drives me to do the things that I do, it's the happiness i get from doing the things I love to do. I actually don't know which comes first, the love or the happiness, all i know is that I am happy and I love what I do and with that I can function well. Just the same, I don't know which comes first with hating what I do and with being sad about what I do. I don't know where the transition of enjoying one thing and being tired from doing things, end and start. It's like jumping from one end to the other. and it's my sad sad reality.
Sometimes I wonder if i am not a good team player. because I tend to do things on my own and I am happy when I am assured that everything is well because I, did them myself. I can be a good team player if i know that I can depend on the people I work with, which is almost always the case. But i still worry too much as well. ugly ugly feeling.
All the same, i can get too bossy that maybe being a team leader does not suit me. and I get easily burdened by undone chores and duties that were already delegated to members and being a not good team player and a dominating team leader, I end up doing things more even those that I can no longer do.
Like most people, I can easily get burned out. Like a story of someone who one day stopped doing what he does and never did them again. Well at least on things that I can quit on.
I actually fear the day that I would just stop doing the things I do because I became tired and unhappy. I already did that once. and although it did gave me a sense of freedom and I had no regrets, it's just not a nice thing to do especially if there are a lot of people who depend on you for the things you have to do.
but you know what's funny? this is not about academic medical school. at all. I can actually live a life worrying only about medical school. if only it's just the books and the patients.Well at least, that's something I'm sure of. cause i know for sure that toxicity from medical school can easily be cured with a simple mall visit, a simple ice cream or a song or two.
i've been here before. i never liked it and i dont like it now. and what more, i don't know what to do because what I did before was actually what's best for me but not what's really great for everybody. and im not at all in a good position right now to do what i've done before, but it's too tempting. too tempting to stop and just leave everything.
or maybe it's just the hormones talking.
if i am to be asked what drives me to do the things that I do, it's the happiness i get from doing the things I love to do. I actually don't know which comes first, the love or the happiness, all i know is that I am happy and I love what I do and with that I can function well. Just the same, I don't know which comes first with hating what I do and with being sad about what I do. I don't know where the transition of enjoying one thing and being tired from doing things, end and start. It's like jumping from one end to the other. and it's my sad sad reality.
Sometimes I wonder if i am not a good team player. because I tend to do things on my own and I am happy when I am assured that everything is well because I, did them myself. I can be a good team player if i know that I can depend on the people I work with, which is almost always the case. But i still worry too much as well. ugly ugly feeling.
All the same, i can get too bossy that maybe being a team leader does not suit me. and I get easily burdened by undone chores and duties that were already delegated to members and being a not good team player and a dominating team leader, I end up doing things more even those that I can no longer do.
Like most people, I can easily get burned out. Like a story of someone who one day stopped doing what he does and never did them again. Well at least on things that I can quit on.
I actually fear the day that I would just stop doing the things I do because I became tired and unhappy. I already did that once. and although it did gave me a sense of freedom and I had no regrets, it's just not a nice thing to do especially if there are a lot of people who depend on you for the things you have to do.
but you know what's funny? this is not about academic medical school. at all. I can actually live a life worrying only about medical school. if only it's just the books and the patients.Well at least, that's something I'm sure of. cause i know for sure that toxicity from medical school can easily be cured with a simple mall visit, a simple ice cream or a song or two.
i've been here before. i never liked it and i dont like it now. and what more, i don't know what to do because what I did before was actually what's best for me but not what's really great for everybody. and im not at all in a good position right now to do what i've done before, but it's too tempting. too tempting to stop and just leave everything.
or maybe it's just the hormones talking.
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