I've been planning to write something at the end of my IM rotation (in less than 2 weeks!). however, something has happened that triggered me to re-open this blog earlier, and well, blog.
As a medical student and as someone training in the hospital for a year, I have had my fair share of mortalities - patients dying, calling codes and doing basic life support. That I was left with no choice but to actually feel a little less attached to my patients (unless I would want to cry every time someone goes); yes, the care and the compassion definitely stays but less emotional attachment (in a sense).
But there are definitely those patients (and family members) with whom you actually become more close to. These patients are those who had made such huge impact in my learning and training, these patients were usually chronic patients that you actually look forward to go to the hospital everyday and do daily rounds, see their improvement until they are actually discharged.
Today (well technically yesterday), one of the patients I used to handle and among the very few with whom I actually allowed myself to be close to, has left this world.
M has AML and she was previously admitted for blood transfusion. I was assigned to her in the middle of her hospital stay, she was one of my chronic patients and well she eventually became a favorite since she was always pleasant, she was one of my more benign patients, and her parents were awesome bantays. We were able to discharge her but she was eventually re-admitted. And today, when I passed by the halls of Ward 1, I saw her parents at the hallway, I greeted them and her mom held my hand and told me, 'Doktora Anne, wala na siya. Tinanggap ko na po ng maluwag sa loob ko para makapagpahinga na siya.'
M looked different but at peace and no longer in pain. And like any other person you are close to who has left this world, you would want to remember them while they were still alive.
And yes, I choose to remember M with her smiling eyes whenever she would tease me to someone she calls 'papa bear', her kilig when she found out his name, whenever she would ask me if I was with PB and she would not believe me even if I had said no countless times, whenever she would root for me and him. I choose to remember M when she was sad after telling her that I was mad at PB and when she made me laugh so hard after telling me that maybe the reason why PB was with another girl that morning was because I was mad. I choose to remember her hopeful voice whenever she would ask me after every post BT-CBC if she can go home and her joy whenever her counts are increasing.
Two days ago, we visited her and her parents were glad to see us, telling me that they were actually wondering where we are now and I choose to remember that time when she woke up and she saw us and she managed to smile despite her pain. And she made me laugh again with her last words to me, 'bati na kayo? :)'
Hay, M. You left this world at a very young age. I pray that you find peace cause now you are home. You left your parents broken-hearted and I pray that they find peace as well.
Thank you for the opportunity to get to know you and to learn from you. Thank you for the santol - my very first PF actually. Thank you for being such a sweet girl and I hope that during your boring hospital days, I was able to make you smile like you to me. Thank you. Farewell, M.
As a medical student and as someone training in the hospital for a year, I have had my fair share of mortalities - patients dying, calling codes and doing basic life support. That I was left with no choice but to actually feel a little less attached to my patients (unless I would want to cry every time someone goes); yes, the care and the compassion definitely stays but less emotional attachment (in a sense).
But there are definitely those patients (and family members) with whom you actually become more close to. These patients are those who had made such huge impact in my learning and training, these patients were usually chronic patients that you actually look forward to go to the hospital everyday and do daily rounds, see their improvement until they are actually discharged.
Today (well technically yesterday), one of the patients I used to handle and among the very few with whom I actually allowed myself to be close to, has left this world.
M has AML and she was previously admitted for blood transfusion. I was assigned to her in the middle of her hospital stay, she was one of my chronic patients and well she eventually became a favorite since she was always pleasant, she was one of my more benign patients, and her parents were awesome bantays. We were able to discharge her but she was eventually re-admitted. And today, when I passed by the halls of Ward 1, I saw her parents at the hallway, I greeted them and her mom held my hand and told me, 'Doktora Anne, wala na siya. Tinanggap ko na po ng maluwag sa loob ko para makapagpahinga na siya.'
M looked different but at peace and no longer in pain. And like any other person you are close to who has left this world, you would want to remember them while they were still alive.
And yes, I choose to remember M with her smiling eyes whenever she would tease me to someone she calls 'papa bear', her kilig when she found out his name, whenever she would ask me if I was with PB and she would not believe me even if I had said no countless times, whenever she would root for me and him. I choose to remember M when she was sad after telling her that I was mad at PB and when she made me laugh so hard after telling me that maybe the reason why PB was with another girl that morning was because I was mad. I choose to remember her hopeful voice whenever she would ask me after every post BT-CBC if she can go home and her joy whenever her counts are increasing.
Two days ago, we visited her and her parents were glad to see us, telling me that they were actually wondering where we are now and I choose to remember that time when she woke up and she saw us and she managed to smile despite her pain. And she made me laugh again with her last words to me, 'bati na kayo? :)'
Hay, M. You left this world at a very young age. I pray that you find peace cause now you are home. You left your parents broken-hearted and I pray that they find peace as well.
Thank you for the opportunity to get to know you and to learn from you. Thank you for the santol - my very first PF actually. Thank you for being such a sweet girl and I hope that during your boring hospital days, I was able to make you smile like you to me. Thank you. Farewell, M.
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