Ive been drafting this entry for quite a while now, I always doze off before being able to post it, hence posting it just now.
Almost 6 months and in that almost half of the year, I get to say these words everyday - "Pagod na ako" and variations of it. An everyday end of the day statement, and sadly, sometimes a good morning realization as well.
It's probably due to the lack of Vitamin D - thanks to the everyday airconditioned working environment (my cold intolerance has improved significantly). But mostly because, what I've been doing for the past 6 months sadly often, leave me fatigued, sleepless, hungry and frustrated.
Fatigued and sleepless from the every 3 day duty schedule, from the workload and the awful load of responsibilities - we often joke about how everything in our MROD world is to be addressed and is most often blamed to the Medical Resident on Duty. Hungry, thanks to the countless of meals missed, our kidneys are also probably diseased from the dehyrdation. Frustrated because of a system that deserves a separate entry I would never probably write about.
I honestly thought I was ready for this kind of life, I was trained in PGH - where 20 admissions as the junior admitting physician on duty was the baseline and where codes and hypotensive patients happen right and left. Where a lot of the hospital functions rely on you as the medical intern. But then residency came and I was welcomed to a whole new level of baseline.
At first, it was the adjustment, the new culture and its quirks. Knowing and remembering the do's and dont's. Adjusting to a culture that was different but at the same time frustratingly similar to my 2 year public hospital stint as a medical student.
And then it was more than that - it was finding a reason everyday to go to work and do your job, remembering why you started and what you wish to achieve. Asking myself countless of times if all the lost time with the family, if your everyday tired legs, if your empty stomach, if all the sleepless nights will all be worth it.
And they say it would be, and they tell you to hold on, and that you just have to trust those who came before you. *insert long and deep sigh*
Honestly, a lot of times I dont understand and I tend to forget my answers to my why because of that plain, simple and stubborn statement "Pagod na ako."
it's sad. it's bad. it's real.
Almost 6 months and in that almost half of the year, I get to say these words everyday - "Pagod na ako" and variations of it. An everyday end of the day statement, and sadly, sometimes a good morning realization as well.
It's probably due to the lack of Vitamin D - thanks to the everyday airconditioned working environment (my cold intolerance has improved significantly). But mostly because, what I've been doing for the past 6 months sadly often, leave me fatigued, sleepless, hungry and frustrated.
Fatigued and sleepless from the every 3 day duty schedule, from the workload and the awful load of responsibilities - we often joke about how everything in our MROD world is to be addressed and is most often blamed to the Medical Resident on Duty. Hungry, thanks to the countless of meals missed, our kidneys are also probably diseased from the dehyrdation. Frustrated because of a system that deserves a separate entry I would never probably write about.
I honestly thought I was ready for this kind of life, I was trained in PGH - where 20 admissions as the junior admitting physician on duty was the baseline and where codes and hypotensive patients happen right and left. Where a lot of the hospital functions rely on you as the medical intern. But then residency came and I was welcomed to a whole new level of baseline.
At first, it was the adjustment, the new culture and its quirks. Knowing and remembering the do's and dont's. Adjusting to a culture that was different but at the same time frustratingly similar to my 2 year public hospital stint as a medical student.
And then it was more than that - it was finding a reason everyday to go to work and do your job, remembering why you started and what you wish to achieve. Asking myself countless of times if all the lost time with the family, if your everyday tired legs, if your empty stomach, if all the sleepless nights will all be worth it.
And they say it would be, and they tell you to hold on, and that you just have to trust those who came before you. *insert long and deep sigh*
Honestly, a lot of times I dont understand and I tend to forget my answers to my why because of that plain, simple and stubborn statement "Pagod na ako."
it's sad. it's bad. it's real.
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