It's been two months of Nephrology fellowship and it is more than what I expected it to be. Yes it was tiring - the every 3 day duty cycle was exhausting, going home late almost everyday just to sleep and wake up the next day still tired was a usual feeling during residency that I get to experience again (multiply the fatigue two to threefold - or probably because, I'm getting old too haha). But I am happy. I get kilig with all the new information (and books I still have to read - geek) and the learning everyday, understanding the management for each patient individually, continuously honing the clinical eye and basically training to be one of the good ones.
The past two months have shown me that well, this is what I want to be doing the rest of my life. They say only a few people are blessed to be able to do what they love, and I think as early as now I can say that I am fortunate enough to be looking forward to a future of me doing what I love. I remember at the start last April when the nurses who know me from residency saw me in my fellow coat with "Nephrology" embroidered on it, asking me - what I was doing with my life - and some friends from other department as well asking why. I would just laugh at them, I understand their reactions because they can only see the toxicity of the life that I chose. But you see, toxicity is just a state of mind (yeesss, please bear in mind that I am writing this during my 5th day of sick leave). It's a toxic life because most of the time, we see our patients in need of critical care and we have to step up and be the internist that they need and not just look after their kidneys. Yet there is the other end of the spectrum as well - when we have fun as a family together sometimes even with our patients and when we make them feel that they can still live normal lives despite their conditions. The continuity of care that you practically become family, that for me is the most rewarding part of becoming a physician.
Of course there are still tears and just recently chills with fever (Tmax 40.2 and tachycardia, vomiting, malaise from a possible streptococcal infection - eww) plus I know that I have a long way to go still -- 22-ish months of this everyday life. But you see that's me, tears will always be a part of my journey. Hehe. Although the chills and fever, I have to work hard on not happening again - as I mentioned in one of my social media accounts - to be a patient is more difficult than being the one treating and I pray not to experience something like that again; and although trying to be healthy during training is a quite impossible feat, we should always always try to boost our immunity by eating right and sleeping as much as we can as much as possible, on top of protecting ourselves from the bacteria and viruses around the hospital thru wearing protective equipment and well handwashing! (putting it here as a reminder for myself as well!)
Probably the harder part to juggle at the moment is time for myself, for the people I love and for well you know life. My parents think I'm not happy (I am happy with work just not happy that I can't have enough time for them) and my brother thinks I'm working too hard (there's just a lot of things that needs to be done). The fiance is as supportive and as understanding as ever (but he has been with me since med school day 1 so he is actually really an expert on this already ;)) But we'll get through this. For I know they will always have my back every time.
Just like what I said, it's time to focus NOT on the negativity that the outside world has to offer, but about looking at rainbows, appreciating sunshine and chasing butterflies - let's continue to look forward to the future, appreciate opportunities in front of us and well, what I'm best at, to chase dreams. :)
The past two months have shown me that well, this is what I want to be doing the rest of my life. They say only a few people are blessed to be able to do what they love, and I think as early as now I can say that I am fortunate enough to be looking forward to a future of me doing what I love. I remember at the start last April when the nurses who know me from residency saw me in my fellow coat with "Nephrology" embroidered on it, asking me - what I was doing with my life - and some friends from other department as well asking why. I would just laugh at them, I understand their reactions because they can only see the toxicity of the life that I chose. But you see, toxicity is just a state of mind (yeesss, please bear in mind that I am writing this during my 5th day of sick leave). It's a toxic life because most of the time, we see our patients in need of critical care and we have to step up and be the internist that they need and not just look after their kidneys. Yet there is the other end of the spectrum as well - when we have fun as a family together sometimes even with our patients and when we make them feel that they can still live normal lives despite their conditions. The continuity of care that you practically become family, that for me is the most rewarding part of becoming a physician.
Of course there are still tears and just recently chills with fever (Tmax 40.2 and tachycardia, vomiting, malaise from a possible streptococcal infection - eww) plus I know that I have a long way to go still -- 22-ish months of this everyday life. But you see that's me, tears will always be a part of my journey. Hehe. Although the chills and fever, I have to work hard on not happening again - as I mentioned in one of my social media accounts - to be a patient is more difficult than being the one treating and I pray not to experience something like that again; and although trying to be healthy during training is a quite impossible feat, we should always always try to boost our immunity by eating right and sleeping as much as we can as much as possible, on top of protecting ourselves from the bacteria and viruses around the hospital thru wearing protective equipment and well handwashing! (putting it here as a reminder for myself as well!)
Probably the harder part to juggle at the moment is time for myself, for the people I love and for well you know life. My parents think I'm not happy (I am happy with work just not happy that I can't have enough time for them) and my brother thinks I'm working too hard (there's just a lot of things that needs to be done). The fiance is as supportive and as understanding as ever (but he has been with me since med school day 1 so he is actually really an expert on this already ;)) But we'll get through this. For I know they will always have my back every time.
Just like what I said, it's time to focus NOT on the negativity that the outside world has to offer, but about looking at rainbows, appreciating sunshine and chasing butterflies - let's continue to look forward to the future, appreciate opportunities in front of us and well, what I'm best at, to chase dreams. :)
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