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Week 2

"Hindi ba pwedeng tumanggi?"

A question that my very worried mother eventually asked me today when I told them that I am about to go back to the hospital for the every other day ICU duties.

I explained that I would be handling nonCOVID cases at the ICU, that we are well protected and we have consultants and a department who are with us supporting us every step of the way.

But I'm pretty sure whatever I said didn't ease her worries. Especially with the increasing number of deaths in our country attributed to this virus, including doctors - every parent has all the right to be worried about their children.

I'm sure other parents share the same sentiments as my mom. That probably if they could only have it their way, they would want to keep us in our homes, like how they protected us and cared for us when we were small and when we were still learning the ways of the world.

I've been a doctor for about 5 years now and there was never a day that my parents did not support me with whatever I want to do. From community service during summer, the hardships of internship, making me not quit residency, and respecting my choice for subspecialty. That I understand how overwhelmed with fear my mother must be, to ask me if I should consider stopping.

And there are actually a lot of other reasons to stop, aside from the fact that this virus can really kill. We have been swarmed by emotions from other doctors in the field on how it gets tiring to fight for a country with our kind of government and leadership; how frustrating it is to fight for a nation of people who worries more about judgement from others, who have been so self absorbed that they have no regard for others. And the list goes on.

But I won't. No matter how much I love my parents and the people I care about, that I'd rather they not worry, I cannot not go to work. You can call it a vocation, our passion or fulfilling an oath that we took. But no matter how heavy our hearts are to leave our homes, once we are at the hospital, we fulfill our responsibilities the best way we know, with the other members of the healthcare team, for the patients waiting for us and for their families.

These are dark times indeed. And as we fight an enemy we don't see, an enemy that once it crossed the border makes the battle a lot more difficult to win - we appreciate your kind words and words of appreciation. We are sorry that we worry you, but we fervently ask for more prayers - prayers for strength of body, heart, mind and soul. As we also pray, that all these be over, soon.

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