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Excuse me someday

As years accumulate to my experience of being a doctor, i have also accumulated excuses to miss out on important life events: 


“duty ako e”

“from duty ako e”

“preduty ako e”

“daming kelangan gawin” 

“sobrang pagod, sobrang toxic” 

“sleep is life”


And if I really want to go to something but still cant, i sugarcoat it. Thinking about it as a sacrifice for the people I love. Missing birthdays, anniversaries, life celebrations then making a mental note that “hey it’s okay, everything I’m doing is for the future.”- Everything I’m learning now will benefit the people I hold most dear. (And I think that’s how most of us live with the missing out).


But with each year of experience seeing sickness and death, i slowly find my excuses getting lame (still usable sometimes). Then 2020 came and is about to go bringing with it millions of lives lost. And we, doctors have been given more excuses to distance ourselves, excuse ourselves from being a daughter, a sister or a friend because we have to sacrifice some more. 


But this is also where it gets tiring - days when I want to stop using sacrifice or training as excuses, when i look forward to being with family more than patients, when I hope to become a better version of myself more than being a better doctor or being better in training. 


So excuse me on some days, when I want to do it the other way around - when I want to be excused from being a doctor and just be. 

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