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Hello August! Hello Pedia!:)

Tomorrow (later), if classes will not be suspended, is our first day in our first ever clinical rotation for this year. You see, this year we as medical students, start our hospital work being in our Integrated Clinical Clerkship Year. We would mostly be assigned in the OPD, learning as much as we can on the skills, honing our clinical eye. In other words, this is the start where things should be more exciting, beyond the theories and the books.

The past two months, have been an extension of last year, piles of transes to be read for an exam, weekly exams and who would have thought even assignments. and tomorrow/later (if classes are not suspended) would be the real start of ICC.

In spite of the fact that most of my batchmates are really excited about ICC, the thought of 'real' freedom and a promise of a less toxic life. I'm kind of scared. And I guess we should all be. Because with this new type of learning environment, we would be meeting real life patients who need our help. We wouldn't just dwell on the history and physical examination part of treating patients but actually have a say on the kind of management that we think they need. And i have that small voice in me, saying that I am not yet ready. They say, ICC is also the year where we should start spending our free time to reading our books. I just hope I would be able to do that, because in all honesty, I really would like that, aside from the fact, that I do have books now. :)

But who am I kidding. There is one more reason why I'm sort of dreading ICC and the main reason why I wanted to write this blog. It's because of the fact that learning in ICC comes in smaller groups, by pairs even and the thought that as early as now, I should prepare myself to do things on my own especially if we are in pairs, because I don't think that my partner can be considered reliable. There. I said it. and i won't take it back.

I mean, yes, we would eventually do things on our own, by next year perhaps, but the point of having a partner right now is to have an at least sort of smooth transition to the easy, hard, really difficult path. One that I don't think I'd get to enjoy (unfortunately).

I do hope, that I am wrong. That even after two years of hopelessness, he would still change. But I highly doubt that too. I am praying that he does realize the great responsibility that being medical students and future medical doctors who would treat patients have, that we have in our hands right now. 

The only thing that keeps me from really breaking down in fear is the thought that at least I would be able to learn. really really learn. that would hopefully help me become a great doctor someday. someone i really aspire to be.

so yes, Anne. You can do this. :) I should just have faith in Him and in myself, always :)

Well then, I'm saying hello to August in two days. saying hello to ICC, and greeting my first love, Pedia a 'hope we'd get to know each other more this month' greeting <3

PS i'm so proud of myself. one of the most toxic weekends that I had in years, and I was able to pull it off just right.

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