AnneC.

Waking up on a rainy morning makes me think about a lot of things. A lot of things to take in and sometimes, everything becomes a blur that I need to pause, reflect on things. And what better way to spend my me time than to write my thoughts. Past weeks have been all about new things - new people, new environment, making new memories. And the gloomy weather somehow makes me remember and miss the old. Sabi nga ni basha, "Anong masama sa bago?" The new is interesting, exciting and fun. But there are times when, in my trying to adapt to the new, i eventually use up all my happy energy (and being a more than less introvert person, my stock of happy energy is relatively limited). And probably the past week of learning new things, engraving in your brain and trying to imbibe a new culture left me tired and thinking of the old.  Change in environment and in the culture is good. We learn new things and we become better. And that has always been one of my reasons for seeking ...

This is an "if-all-else-fails-read-this-for-good-vibes" blog entry. :p 22 days of living in the province and I have found more reasons to go back. I have been away from home for about 15 years, going home only during summer and semestral breaks. And since medical school - clerkship and internship, this was probably the longest that i was able to stay. In that 22 days, i was given the chance to look after my Lolo. I was able to bring my friends over and make them appreciate the beauty of our place. I had the opportunity to have a glimpse of what a future private practice might look like during the 12 clinic days that I relieved my father of his physician duties at the clinic. Basically seeing patients in the morning and bed rolling privileges in the afternoon. :p I was able to do my first (of many) unsupervised deliveries (and episiorraphy!).  I was able to become a full time daughter and tried my best to promote peace in the household (haha).  But more than trying to spend th...

"To heal sometimes, to treat often, to comfort always."  This was always shown on our lectures in medical school, always reminded to us when we entered the hospital scene. But i only learned it's real value recently. It has been days that my parents were constantly updating me about lolo's condition. He was having difficulty breathing. When I got home and saw lolo - i know there and then that he needs to be intubated. But in a setting where we dont have the needed facilities and where we want to respect our patient's and the family's wishes, we are left with one task and that is to make them comfortable and no longer add to the burden that they are already experiencing.  So walking into his room i gave him my biggest smile, and he smiled back inspite of his dyspneic breaths. I know that he was happy to see me. And probably (hopefully) found comfort in the fact that now there are 2 doctors beside him. My lolo is a fighter. He was part of the military, e...

Being a doctor entails a lot. It entails a lot of time and energy, a lot of heart and strength. It entails a lot of understanding, and generally a lot of oneself. This is one thing that I have seen and experienced again and again especially at this very crucial moment of my career. I am almost up to the end of my pre-residency period. Pre-residency is part of the application process to become a resident - a medical doctor in training for a subspecialty of choice. It's like a period where in you as an applicant are "testing the waters" and where they test your resiliency and capacity to do the tasks at hand. Adapting to the new environment is a challenge knowing where I came from. To say that it was difficult is an understatement. Having to wear a skirt everyday is something I was not used to and one of the many new things I have to do. And although the boyfriend is happy to see me dressed up whenever we see each other, being in jeans and rubber shoes still give me tha...

It was not my first love. Never in my wildest dreams have I thought of choosing that specialty in my first three years of medical school. But two years ago, it started with me crying inside the clerks call room. I was a post duty clerk on preduty monitoring schedule with one intubated patient in shock that I cannot get a decent blood sample from. Followed by the fear of morning endorsements and the adrenaline after being called for a first time full endorsement on a temporary in-charge (TIC) patient. Day by day, I found a reason to go back and do my duties. Day by day I slowly found myself falling in love with what I was doing. And at that moment, I know this is what I want. A year after that, I know I found my true love. In spite of standing up again and again to answer questions on my toxic patients, in spite of having to admit 20++ patients during my junior admitting physician duty, i know in my heart, this is it. And I know that it is true love because it is not only what my he...

I have been writing this 3 part entry on the first day post the board exams. True enough, you wake up and you think, what now? We have about three days until the board exam results are out. Three long days of not having to think of any responsibility. I am writing this now because I don’t think I would have all this time to write and process and reflect on everything that has happened once the results are out. (Claiming it! Staying positive! Law of attraction! -- and it happened!) Reflecting on all the emotions was fun. I was getting a little teary while I was writing the preparation days. And as of this moment, it’s the Let go and Let God feeling standing out. Yesterday (the day that we were expecting the results of the exams to be released) I was definitely trying my best to keep calm and to find my inner peace. of course to no avail. Thanks to my very supportive boyfriend who planned a whole day out so i would not be staring at my phone and cringe with every incoming text. ...

The night before the first day of the board exam was the hardest. I thought I had the skill to sleep no matter what the circumstance is. Unfortunately, I was up almost all night tossing and turning to no avail.  In the beginning of my first entry I asked, how do you compress 100 days, 4 exams and 3 waiting days in a single entry? I said I cant. And so I ask again, how do we compress 5 years of medical education and training into 12 exams? I don't think we also can.  The exam was difficult. Yes, there were questions that you can answer. But there were questions which can make you go, “ANO DAW?” “UGH.”  There were mentally exhausting questions, you’d rather just choose C. Of course there were the expected typographical errors, repeating questions (which are UNFORTUNATELY the questions you don’t know the answer to. There were a number of times I just wrote down a big WHY beside the repeated question out of frustration. Haha.). It was a sad and frustrating exam. ...

How do you put 100 days of preparation, 4 days of examination and 3 days of waiting in one blog entry? You can’t. Haha. So I’m making this a 3 part entry. That very long hiatus from writing and this heart full of emotions had led me craving to write my heart out. So indulge me. I don’t think I would be able to encapsulate all the emotions in that one of a kind journey which led me to where I am today. But I would still try because having that experience is something that I would love to look back to (definitely not do again) but something that I would like to read about when I feel like strolling down my memory lane. It started the day after the review center (Topnotch medical board prep) orientation where we were welcomed with a wake-up call, the board examination is about three months away - 106 days to be exact. Will it be enough? Probably. And then came the diagnostic exams where in there was really the doubt of whether it will be enough.  Parang hindi . But it was...

It has been almost a month since I started devoting most of my time to the read, eat, sleep (repeat) routine for the upcoming board exams and well.. I'm getting there. However, this past week, I found myself having more difficulty in concentrating leading to piles of backlog readings and well a mind wandering to random places in the scary future of what ifs. And with the free 15 minutes that I have from my schedule before closing my eyes, I decided to blog. I initially wanted to just write something for myself but I found something that inspired me worthy of a blog post and worthy of sharing. I've been using my coffee bean planner for 2015 for about 6 months now, although not faithfully. Since I've been using big calendars and BIG reminders for my PLE schedule. Writing frees me from anxiety and so I decided to open 'The Giving Journal' and write. At the end of each note page are random quotes and for this week, it actually serves as as a very apt reminder. ...

Today I woke up with no attendance to sign, no endorsement to receive or to give, no patients to monitor, to conduct or to see. 5 years of medical school is over and i cant help but be grateful :) Yes, it was a difficult journey, but definitely a happy one. It was just a childhood dream eventually realizing that this is something I want to do and someone I want to be. Thank you to my ever supportive family who understood every duty and post duty status. A few days ago was my dad's birthday and today is my mom's and as a gift I gave them my graduation pictures with of course a promise that next time, it would no longer be pictures in the envelope :p Kaunti na lang po :) To my brother, housemates na ulit tayooo haha. Thank you to my ever patient boyfriend who has been there in every step of the way, for every crazy moment you had lent me your shoulder to sneeze on :p May boards pa so magpakaBuddha mode ka pa rin, okay?:p Thank you to family and friends who believe, and is...

All the negative energies piling up these past month (weeks) need an outlet somehow. and well, in spite of singing my heart out when I am alone and cleaning everything I get my hands on to, I think it's time to write and do my best form of catharsis. This post has been at the back of my mind for about a month now - a month after our community rotation and only now that I am able to put it into writing/typing. *** As soon as we finished the family medicine rotation, I started to think of what to write for my collection of internship entries and i remembered the line from lilo and stitch - Ohana means family.  Family medicine rotations has always been, for a lack of better word - chill for the past three years. It allows you to assess patients in a not so stressful environment, take time in talking to them and managing them. ( Well technically, each patient should really be managed and assessed without being rushed, no matter what rotation. However facing reality, we actually...